Love is a decision you make

Okay so here I go again on another tirade/rant. Everyone is excited, right? :)
This is going to be a long one (so what else is new), so be prepared.... Nikki, a lot of this is like what I said to you in email, so hopefully you won't get bored reading the same thing again :)

There are a lot of reasons I think people get divorced. But this is a big one. Here it is.

I really don't think people understand what "marriage" and "love" mean. I think they are looking for a fairy-tale, and looking for a person who won't ever change from the way they are right at that moment in time (or who they can change to be "perfect"), who can always make them happy, yadda yadda....but what it's about is making a decision to love. Yes, you find someone you relate to, who understands you, who you can talk to about things, and who loves you in return and would do anything for you. Each of you want to give 110% to each other. Then, if things work out (and of course if you are centering the relationship around what is most important - Faith and God), both of you truly love each other, and decide marriage is right for you....you make a DECISION to love for the rest of your life. It's not about some magic or anything, it's a decision.
Because people change, things happen, and you won't always be the same either. Everyone changes and a lot of things happen in life, so many events happen and you will both be affected, for better or worse, by them...You have to still LOVE that person no matter if they change or not, or if you change, or if things go wrong. Cuz you make that decision. Wake up and make that decision every single day. No matter what. And no one will ever be perfect, no situation will ever be perfect. There will be a lot of ups and downs. Things may even feel perfect for a while, before you get married, but you can't count on it staying that way. You just have to be able to count on that person to make a decision to love you every day, good or bad, and you have to do the same.
What is most important are your spouse's (or significant other at this point) values and beliefs - not his or her temperament.
I think a lot of people look at marriage as more of some sort of romantic magic, when really it's a decision to love.
All that being said, you do have to make sure the person you're with is someone you're willing to make that decision with/for, so don't settle for less than that. It'll just make it harder if you don't cuz you won't want to make that decision every day if you didn't choose a person you'd want to do that for. That's what all the rest is about.

We talk about this in our Bible Studies: you love someone for who they are, and that doesn't mean any qualities you could find in a neighbor. So what I mean is, it's not about whether or not they like the same music you do, or even if they're grouchy sometimes, or maybe a clutz. Those things can all be found in someone else. You love a person for the inherant being they are. I'm probably getting too "deep".... And I'll save a lot of that for another blog :)

Maybe my blogs sound "mad" or "angry" or whatever, at least that's what I'm afraid of ---- But they're not, I write these happily :) ---- I just like to express how I feel about life.... and I guess that sounds serious sometimes.... I'll write jokes, sarcastic remarks, etc, too, but this week might be more "lessons on life..." It's one of those reflective weeks I guess....

I'm going to be adding to this one forever I feel like. My friend Becca is really smart about life, really, truly...and she said something I believe wholeheartedly and thought should be added....:
If you or your partner does not know Jesus as the primary Source of love, then you will try to manipulate love from one another. Your heart needs more than romantic affection to survive. It is best to marry someone who understands that he or she is married to Jesus and realizes the importance of depending upon Him for fulfillment.

See, you can't look at someone else for fulfillment, only God can give that to you! :)

Coming together is a beginning, Keeping together is progress....Working together is success