"Stuck"

What grade am I in? What do I do for a living? None of the above.... I mean, I do have a job...but really, right now, I'm just in limbo. So what do I say when people ask me, do I tell them, "oh nothing, I'm just stuck."
Stuck between school and the "real life" I thought I was going to have. Where's the picture I had of myself when I was little, such an ambitious woman but a settled, comfortable woman. I'm not settled in any sort of way. Not settled in a job. Not settled in a marriage. Not settled in a home. Stuck waiting for grown-upness to happen to me. Or for a lapse back into childhood, anything not to be stuck. It's like my friend Nikki said, we have the crappy jobs and the big bills, but otherwise, we don't have what other "grown ups" have.... I want to be a grown up. Or do I just want to go back to school and hide from grownupness?
I think these years, the time between school and "whatever" it is you're supposed to "do" with life...I think these years are the hardest. They're definitely the most confusing. Can I please just have some "settle" in my life, Lord??? I don't know whether to buy a house, get another 6 month lease and see where life takes me, travel around, spend my money on gasoline and hotel rooms, leave to do service overseas, move in to my sisters basement....
I think a lot of this stems from my goals in life - my goals include wanting to be a mom (okay so that's in the forefront). A great mom. And a really good wife. So, yes I'm good at my job, and I want to be good at it, I want to do great things for people I work with....But, my ambitions mostly revolve around my biggest dreams - the kids I hope to have. And the house. And the husband. Key thing is to have all of those things in the correct order, too. So what's a girl to do? Wait? What about in the meantime?
Oh and I know people say, don't wait on anyone else, live your own life, be independent, do your own thing. I'd love to do that, wholeheartedly do that, but what if waiting on someone is my only choice to get what I truly want? I don't want a career, I don't want independence. I especially don't want those things if they're going to take me further from what I want. And that's why... it's very complicated.

Telling me not to wait...that's like telling someone with a big dream to LOOK at the missing puzzle piece for thier big picture, spend time with the puzzle piece, really appreciate the puzzle piece, but not actually to pick it up and try to put it where it belongs. leave the puzzle piece and try to somehow fill the space in with something else, hoping whatever "else" it is is removable so when the piece finally fits, it still goes? Or what do I do? Do you know what I mean?

I mean what if you know the puzzle piece fits, but someone chewed on the edges, chewed them apart so the piece won't fit but it should? And you can't fix it. What if the puzzle piece has to fix itself now that's where it really gets complicated.

So anyways, back to being in limbo. I really want to write a book about it. And especially about being a young woman, and especially these days when we're all supposed to be so career driven. Well what if I'm not? What do I do now? And what happens when you get to the workforce and are ill-equipped to deal with the politics? We're just little girls, really. Unprepared for these things. Someone should really have a course on the in-between phase, in college. Maybe even in highschool, so girls can be really prepared and go to college with an idea of what to do there to prepare for the in-between. Insurance. Taxes. Housing. Do you buy a house? Where do you go? No guy really wants to be "followed," but if you don't "follow," where do you go? And will he come back if you don't follow?
If you're a man, you probably buy a house, you settle in your job. You find yourself a lovely wife when you want to, on your terms. But what is she to do while she waits for you?
And how does a girl force out those "career women" drives that some other women have? Where's mine? And will it cause my inner "mother" to fade away? Will I lose her?

Can I just babysit for a while, play pretend, til Prince Charming saves me from the inbetween and carries me off into the next phase of life?

A woman at a conference not too long ago said that we are supposed to "mother" everyone, in every day things. Well, 1) I don't know many people who like to be "mothered" by a 23 year old with little life experience, and 2) that doesn't work for me, anyhow, it's not the same.....sorry lady, great idea though....

I'm not saying I can't be alone or deal with it, I enjoy my alone time and I love reading good books, I love spending time with my girlfriends, too....it's all about the bigger picture, it's what to do with my life, not just with my time....